I feel like a Pukekochic all in a flurry, standing in the mudflats wings-a-flappin' and beak-a-squawkin’ trying to take off, yet somehow remaining stuck in the mud.
We have been back for two weeks now, a short break in between the return and heading back to work. Am now halfway through the second block of six working days. (The house is sold too – the first week back! So the big move is on towards the end of November.)
The chic pose also typifies me on the holiday. I think maybe it is a schizophrenic chic or at least a Gemini chic!!
On the one hand it was amazing to see all the sights we saw, to meet all the people we met, to reconnect with Shelley’s dear friends and to be so looked after. On the other hand, there was a continual sense of loss and longing. Longing to share the stories, the excitement and the misadventures with her. I could taste, feel and smell the loss. It felt like my gut was permanently knotted with the effort of not succumbing to the feelings.
The thrill of setting foot in Ireland, my love of the Southern Irish lilt and the crazy conversations and reasoning that went with it. I truly felt at home, and thought thank goodness there are other nutty people like me in the world. I felt like I fitted in. The crazy conversations, hysterical laughter, the maybeso’s and the maybenot’s - all endearing and delightful to my ears and soul.
The beautiful little towns and villages, the laid back pace of life, the patience on the roads (basically because there is no choice unless you want to take on a tractor in the main drag!!) and acceptance that things take time. The miles and miles of beautiful stone fences, the rolling hills and the delightful pubs with their wonderful food and welcoming occupants – all reinforced this sense of belonging.
We were based near Blarney and of course went to the castle, as Shelley did. We walked up the windy steep inner stairs to the castle top, as Shelley did. I took one look at the spot where you lean over backwards to kiss the Blarney stone, as Shelley did – and thought “bloody hell – don’t think I can do this!” It is really high up there, the top of the tower and really no place to do a backwards lean where yer head is much lower than yer bum!! But I did it. I had to really, I was on a mission to follow in her steps, to walk the path with her, to be able to put my picture alongside her picture of “the kiss on the Blarney stone.”
Blarney Castle
sunlit grounds
ancient trees
a bridge
over a gentle brook
we stopped
tossed a coin
made a wish
I wished
that you were here
with us
as we retraced your steps
up to the castle
through the gates
up the steep windy staircase
to the top of the tower
step after step
knowing you had walked
this way
step after step after step
with you
to the top of the tower
and the death defying
backwards-bend
to kiss the stone
I am sure my lips
kissed the spot
that your sweet lips
had kissed
Arohanui
KG
