18 Nov 2007

War & Peace

The HOLIDAY seems like ages ago. I know I promised some funny stories but in some ways, that time has passed. However, I will delve into the old memory banks and tell you one or two anyway. But first a non-funny story. Oh dear, I do seem to have a black view of things!!

Derry, to the residents of the Republic of Ireland and Londonderry to the residents of Northern Ireland, (to the point that the signs that had Londonderry had the London graffitied out near the border), was an interesting experience. This was the city with the bogside, the tiny area of streets no more than a couple of blocks where immeasurable violence and multiple-murders had taken place. The pictures of some of these confrontations had been beamed into our lounges through the television news stories of the time.

It is a walled city, with an amazing walk around the top of the walls giving you a bird’s-eye-view of the city. There are the murals and memorials to those who have died for the cause.
The four of us walked around the city, through the bogside and looked at the murals as we went. Typical tourists you might say. What is not so easy to describe is what it felt like.

It was a real mixture of emotions. The city itself was lively enough. We were there at the end of the business day, and there was, I guess you could call it a traffic jam, around the central square. Cars were banked up, horns were tooting and people were yelling at each other. I must say that no where else had we heard one toot of a car horn. No matter what the obstacle was on the road, a tractor, road works or a confused tourist, there was not one solitary beep heard, prior to our reaching Northern Ireland. It almost felt like Auckland on a typical day.

At a deeper level, I felt a terrible sense of helplessness and sorrow. Sorrow at all the loss of lives, at the boxed way of thinking that keeps people, groups of people categorized and segregated. Yes, it may be by choice but I am not convinced that is really the case. These young men and women who were motivated to do battle with fellow countrymen/women were not born with hatred in their hearts. That had to be cultivated by the society in which they lived; by their families and the wider community. They are no different to the misguided suicide bombers who took Shelley’s life, along with her fellow travelers. I did not see anything that could justify such inhumanity to each other. To hate to the point of wanting to kill, to achieve what?

The murals are magnificent in the artistic sense, in an emotional sense I felt each one of them like a slap in the face, or a punch in the guts. Yes they are a representative truth of events that are not in dispute, but what are they actually contributing to creating a new way of living? To me, they were stark somber reminders of man’s inhumanity to man, a holding in place if you like, of the hurt, the wrongdoing. Unforgiving, immovable. There was no light coming in, no hint of a coming together. They seemed to me to hold the barricades at a place that hopefully does not exist anymore. I saw them as a barrier to moving on. I felt despairing and helpless. I wished I could scream out, look at what you have got and get on with it. Get on with making a better place for everyone no matter their creed, beliefs or politics.

Ireland is a beautiful country with much to be enjoyed. The difference between the Republic and Northern Ireland was stark and was both visual and emotional.
The rolling hills with the stone fences and little narrow roads, the people with the lilting voices and way of speaking that took you up and down the vocal scale typified the Republic. The warm pubs, the storytelling, the brilliant religious oaths (or was it praying I wasn’t’ quite sure – you know the thing, Jesus Mary & Joseph, Holy Mother of God with suitably dramatic facial expressions accompanying these cries) all adding colour to this experience.

Northern Ireland by comparison had better roads, motorways in parts, bigger cities but an overriding austereness that I just couldn’t shake. The accent could best be described as flat, monotonal, utterings. No ups, no downs, just a continuous stream of words all at the same pitch with hardly a breath taken in a sentence. Like talking out the side of your mouth with your jaw wired together at the same time. We did ask for directions a couple of times, said thankyou, but were none the wiser for the exchange.

There was a grayness to the buildings and the countryside, was much more structured and ordered, gone were the rambling hillsides with shacks and tumbledown buildings. I missed the rolling hills and the stone fences.

I have no right, as such a casual observer to make any comment on a country so divided, for so long, by so many for so many reasons. I know that peace moves are on the way, the IRA and the UDA having formed a peace agreement. I know that there are groups of people doing amazing things to advance the country into a peaceful co-habitation of souls. I also know this is still a long way off. There are years of conditioned responses to the “others”; they being whoever you are not! There are the usual convolutions of power, politics and greed.

I got to see the town where my Dad was born, the hot spots of Derry and Belfast too. I saw the despair and felt the history in my heart. I wish for such a beautiful country, that the good people in it do find a true way to make a peaceful future. I think for that to happen, some letting go of the past must occur.

Holding onto the ugly hurts and wrongdoings doesn’t seem to me like a way forward. It is a fragile peace at present with hope of more peace to come.

My wish is for a truly peaceful land, a way of living that reflects the beauty of that land and the true wish of every person to live in peace. The last mural is also a sign of hope.


Arohanui

KG



Time Flys By..

The past three weeks have flown by. SBS & his SH are with us which is fabulous. We are enjoying their company and their enthusiasm for adventure. They have many plans and it is exciting to wait and see what eventuates. Meanwhile, we are being treated to some yummy cooking and great company.

The kids’ dad is safely back in this country after his misadventure. It is great to have him back and to know that he is on the path to recovery even though he is facing a couple of more weeks in hospital. It may be a long path but at least it is now clear and he has his wonderful sons to cheer him up and cheer him on. I haven’t been to see him yet as I have a cold at the moment and that is the last thing he would need.

Two-and-a-bit weeks til the house move. It seems to have taken ages and then all of a sudden, it is nearly upon us. We tried our hand at a Garage Sale yesterday. Well that sucked!!! Didn’t sell much but did sell some of the main items so that’s good I guess. It is really weird putting bits and pieces of your life up for sale. The local Salvation Army shop will benefit from the remaining items. It is a good job I am not a shop owner as I kept saying oh well, $1 will do, or take all of them for $2!! Just as well it was a clearing up exercise and not a money making one. But there are a few happy families with some goodies they wouldn’t otherwise have got.

So much of the moving and packing is about Shelley. We have to move everything and look at everything with all the memories and the heightened sense of the permanency of death. She will not wear those shoes again, read those books again or play that card game again. It is all so devastating and hugely emotional, packing, repacking and making some decisions about letting some of her things go. I wept after her music box was chosen by a beautiful little girl. I was happy she had been the one to choose it, her eyes lit up as the the ballerina twirled and music played. It was the right thing to do – but it broke my heart all over again.

We are a funny household with all different hours of work and sleep. SBS works midnight til around 8am, I work all weird hours form 0430 starts to late afternoon starts. It is not a normal household by any means. At present two people are sleeping (it is midday) and two are up. I will probably have a sleep later!! It is like shift work all over again. But I love it. Everyone is free to do what they wish, when they wish. What more can anyone ask for. The only trouble is the outside world doesn’t realize we are on our own timeframes, so the phone still rings, door to door people still turn up anticipating a sale, whether of goods or a soul!! Ha ha the jokes on them. I am a non believer and not much of a purchaser either!!

Anyway my friends, will sign off just now and am in a writing mood so will post some more later today.

I feel very high tech, am sitting here doing a blogsite, (didn’t even know what they were a year ago!!) and listening to music on my iPod. Good grief Charlie Brown.

Arohanui

KG

7 Nov 2007

Homecoming


Well, here it is three weeks of silence on this site. What has been happening? Many things. The house is being packed up around me, each day when I come home from work HB has been busy packing more stuff. Stuff is everywhere. That happens when you live in one place for over 16 years!! I guess I have the easy part. I come home, can’t find something, so yell, “B*&^(% hell have you packed the &#*$( as well!!” Poor HB she is so patient.

Anyway it is all go and there are still three weeks til we move. We will be the most organized household in the world.

SBS and his HB have returned to NZ for a few months before they head off to Europe, hopefully, around April next year. It is fabulous to have them back and they are staying with us which is even better. He is a dab hand in the kitchen and I am typing this up as he is out there preparing green curry vegetables for consumption. Fanbloodytastic.

The kids dad and his partner left NZ about the time me and HB did. They set off on a tour of the Adriatic coast but had a misadventure which means that he has now been in hospital in a foreign land, for almost 8 weeks. I found this very distressing as did FBS & SBS. The good news is he will return to NZ this week and while facing more hospitalization; his condition is life changing rather than life threatening. I so wish him well and admire his tenacity in dealing with this situation.

So these are some of the reasons for my silence on the site.
I have found myself resorting to my beloved poetry as there is so much going on it seems, somehow to calm me and give me perspective.

My big sister is now a grandmother, though she is not fond of that term and prefers to be referred to by her shortened first name!! But Charlotte is here. Yay!!

Instead of raving on I will post a couple of the poems.

Much love as always to my cherished readers.


Homecoming



your brother is back
with his sweetheart

we three
went out to meet them

they have been off
adventuring in Oz
fishing frogs out of toilet cisterns
in the wild outback
splitting clams open out at sea
all to earn a few bucks

they will have stories to tell
for sure

we are all excited
can’t wait in fact
to hold his fine frame
in my arms

to put my head on his chest
and hear the sweet sound
of his good heart-beat

I can breathe again

I will enjoy it while they are here
and not think about the sharp intake
of breath and the waiting
when they set off again
since months hence

it is good enough that I have him here
that we all have him and hold him
in our hearts

as we hold you my sweet


Poem No 2


New Home



the countdown is on
three weeks to go
til we take up residence
I can’t wait

it’s not that I don’t love our house
your home the place I think you loved

it is just time to make a change

we have hibernated
licking open wounds
since your death

hearts split open
minds shattered

it has been our fortress
drawbridge up and the watery driveway
ensuring no visitors unless by invite

we have huddled together trying to heal
it’s not that the healing is done
far from it
it’s just that it is time to make a move
to unfurl a little to let a little sunshine in

our new house has good bones
that we will clothe and festoon with colours
and laughter and joy
we will create more stories in her

and weep
knowing that
you will not walk through the door

yet you will be
the heart of this home


Arohanui
KG