Prelude to a birthday
(for Shelley 27-01-09)


I never know what to do

the knots in my stomach
start at least a week
before the day

a gut wrenching
sense of abject despair

of not wanting
to name it

of not wanting to say
it

that it is your birthday
(your 30th birthday)

today

I would like the sky
to light up
with magnificent lights
arcing around the world
with you name

I would like the world
to stop spinning on its axis
long enough to freeze frame

the moment of your birth
your first steps
your laughter
your 21st party
your visit home

our last hug


ii

your friends stay close

their lives have changed
since you were home last

most are parents now
some once
some twice over

we have met Ari
have photos of Jaimi Marie
(the Marie after you)

kids you never got to meet
kids that made us laugh

and if I allowed it
would have made me weep
and weep

I imagine
how your life might be
how you would be enjoying it

doing what?
I’m not sure
and I wouldn’t care

you could be a gypsy
a traveler as you were
a teacher of life
as you were

you could have kept
circumnavigating the world
spreading your joy
taking it all in

the possibilities were endless


iii

today
is your 30th birthday

I don’t need the sky
to light up
or the world to stop spinning
on its axis

I have the moments
all of them

freeze framed
in my soul

I have your laughter
tucked away
to make me smile
when it doesn’t hurt so much

I have you with me
every day

every day

I carry this
the loss of you

today
is your 30th birthday

I think it is going to rain
today

With all my love

KG
XX

It's a new day, it's a new dawn

Three quotes from President Obama’s Inauguration address,
Thursday 21st January 0600 NZ time:


"We have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord,"

"America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more,"

"As for our common defence, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals."

Three quotes that made me glad I was awake at 6am NZ Time this morning.

Words that hold the promise of a paradigm shift from the traditional USA stance. The cowboy, the gunslinger, the bully; where the overriding factor seemed to be an eye for an eye and to hell with the rest of you. (“An eye for an eye makes the world go blind: - Ghandi – a quote one of Shelley’s friends has on the bottom of each of her emails.)

I have reason to hope that this fine, humble, man will hold true to his ideals and strive to forge new ways of being, as a leader nation, in this world of ours. That he will choose to lead his government with his people, on a path much less destructive. A path that will not ignore his own country’s poor and disadvantaged. A path that will transform helplessness into hope by finding ways to engage people in their own lives, no matter what their circumstances.

A path that will hopefully, mean less deaths among the sons and daughters of families around the world, no matter their race, religion or ideologies.

Such a shift in the psyche of the USA as a nation, has already taken shape. That is evident in the support Obama has had in his journey to the White House. It was evident on the faces of the million plus people that had physically made it to the Lincoln Memorial to be part of his swearing in. It was evident in the tears of joy that fell from many eyes as they participated in this moment in history.

The goodwill of the nation, and indeed the rest of the world, (mostly) is behind this President. It is no easy task that he takes on. There will always be extremists and radicals that place no value on the lives of others. There will always be those who seek to take lives in some deluded belief that they have a right to do so. There will be those for who power and greed makes the lives of others cheap.

Today though, I am reminded of the overwhelming wish of the majority to live lives of peace; to see their children grown into adults; to live in the expectation that they will not have to stand by the grave of a child killed in hatred. That maybe, just maybe, there is another way of seeking change and co-habiting as nations, as peoples of the world.

Today I wish this man well and have hope that change is indeed a possibility.

Arohanui,

KG

XX