There is much joy in my life that rides side by side with my grief. I have much to be thankful for in the love of my HB, my sons (FBS & SBS and his SH). I write about grief more often because it is ever present and because it is a new experience.
It touches the autumn colours of the leaves that bring me joy. It hangs around the laughter that we (HB, FBS, SBS & his SH) generate when we all get together. It is in the present and the future. It will be there until I take my last breath and beyond.
There is no how to do grief manual. It is a very individual process, unique for each one of us. It is huge but I can breathe and let it wash over me now. I am no longer scared of it. In some ways I have to befriend this gnawing emptiness, to tuck it under my heart and wear it. It is just a different way of being; this is my life, incorporating loving, laughing, working, planning and grieving.
It is simple really. It can’t be avoided. It is a constant knowledge; a constant pain.
I have much to be thankful for and much to thank my dearest and nearest for. The love, the support, the joy, the struggles we all share. I would not say that I am miserable, or living a miserable life. I am living the best life I can with those I love. I have an energy to live it the best way I can, the way Shelley would want me to live it, with a joyfulness and an energy to engage in life.
I learn from my sons, her brothers, who are amazing in their wisdom and grief. They have taught me to live life large, to use all of my abilities to the limit, to honour Shelley. I am supported in love and life by my darling HB.
I could not even have got this far without the love and support of my dear hearts. They support my tears, I support their tears and we move on through it. I know they are there no matter what, and they know the same thing. That’s how we roll. Shelley would be proud.
For my precious darlings,
with my love and gratitude
Kia Kaha
KGXX
It touches the autumn colours of the leaves that bring me joy. It hangs around the laughter that we (HB, FBS, SBS & his SH) generate when we all get together. It is in the present and the future. It will be there until I take my last breath and beyond.
There is no how to do grief manual. It is a very individual process, unique for each one of us. It is huge but I can breathe and let it wash over me now. I am no longer scared of it. In some ways I have to befriend this gnawing emptiness, to tuck it under my heart and wear it. It is just a different way of being; this is my life, incorporating loving, laughing, working, planning and grieving.
It is simple really. It can’t be avoided. It is a constant knowledge; a constant pain.
I have much to be thankful for and much to thank my dearest and nearest for. The love, the support, the joy, the struggles we all share. I would not say that I am miserable, or living a miserable life. I am living the best life I can with those I love. I have an energy to live it the best way I can, the way Shelley would want me to live it, with a joyfulness and an energy to engage in life.
I learn from my sons, her brothers, who are amazing in their wisdom and grief. They have taught me to live life large, to use all of my abilities to the limit, to honour Shelley. I am supported in love and life by my darling HB.
I could not even have got this far without the love and support of my dear hearts. They support my tears, I support their tears and we move on through it. I know they are there no matter what, and they know the same thing. That’s how we roll. Shelley would be proud.
For my precious darlings,
with my love and gratitude
Kia Kaha
KGXX
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